This time last year I was in constant pain even thoughI had booked my sons dream to go to California. I was filled with deep anger regret sorrow the pain in my heart kept me awake at night. I felt most days was hard to breathe, I was desperate to find myself again and I just cousins seem too. My soul was so far away the soul that I knew belong to me. My mental health was at its absolute worse. I was riddled with pure physical anxiety.
Every thing and everyone became a threat, I don’t trust myself never mind anyone else.
The one person I had time and time again tried to see the good in had hurt me and betrayed me for the last time. I was left lost and with no confidence. Then I started acting again, then I started being creative.
I remember being in Ibiza and it was the first time in months I felt happiness which I still had a psychotic episode ahead of me before the decade finished…
I am not cured I still suffer and fight every day but I am not who I was this time last year.
You can achieve great things with mental illness in fact you can create anything you want when your turn pain into power.
It’s took me a long time to get here…. some may say I have been lucky with what I have achieved since 2020 started. It’s been grit and fight for many years and too loose everything that was familiar to me. I have lost people and had people leave me o thought would be in my life forever.
I have changed one thing I struggled with was letting things go, in letting things go it’s allowed the people places and things that are meant now for my next steps.
I am beyond grateful for the things I have achieved people in my life from this last year.
I may fall again and I worry every day that it could happen but the reason I have done well is because I have not allowed the wrong things to take me away from the right things
Find what fuels you not drains you.
‘ I won’t ever be perfect but at least now I am brave’
It’s been a long road and let that road continue…..
Don’t ever give up ever no matter how hard or chaotic your mind gets always know you got this and sometimes the most horrific times become the magic we was always waiting for.
blog by me, myself and bipolar Brenda