The journal of a chaotic mind with a happy soul Journal entry 2015…. sometimes it’s good to look back

Good evening everyone long time no post….. A few people have been messaging me about having a class again…. I will be completely honest it’s been a tuff few weeks for me and I don’t want to teach people when I haven’t been practicing myself. Brenda came out in full force and I am suffering the after effects of her behaviour from that. I haven’t had a episode that bad in over a year it drag me right back into the dirt. I was that bad the doctor tried to put me back on medication, as You can imagine to nearly be at a year with no meds to be told that I felt I had failed and fell massively. Due to a couple of people very dear to me and obviously the one and only Ethel I rip my prescription up. The truth is I would of been taking them for the people around me effected by Brenda not for myself I believed I could get back where I was and even though through the years of battling with bipolar and losing people because of it, it’s a chance I am willing to take because I started this journey a very different person to who I am now. The people that have the balls to be around Brenda are the people that deserve to be around Natasha and if that’s not them then it’s there loss. I have let my practice drop a little and my reading but tonight I just sat a mediated and come out of it and thought this is what it’s about….. Learning being tested and coming back to yourself. I am not perfect by any means and my illness effects people very close and dear to me but Meditation and reiki has let me live as myself for almost a year so I am willing to work with it and heal the cuts that have come by excepting it and not fighting it. I figured something today that everyone’s little broken and that’s ok not just me with bipolar everyone has demons there fighting but tonight I have decided to snuggle with them instead of fight them. I believe meditation and pepper mint tea can solve anything and bring you back on the path you need to be on just sometimes life takes you off and things spiral out of control and your sat thinking how the hell did I get back here…. It’s then when you have a choice to stay there or get up and move forward again. I have over come massive things with meditation and I will do again. I will be more than happy to hold a class in a couple of weeks time for people who want to join me and I would like to teach you all love and kindness because that’s where it all started for me and I think sometimes it’s nice to look back…… Just to see how far you have actually come. You may fall or if your me fall flat on your face but there is always a way back. πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸŒŸπŸŒŸπŸŒŸ and apologise for those who have messaged but now you know 😘😘